"I've decided to consider adoption."
He looked at me like i was speaking another language. I kind of felt the same way. I had given myself the same bewildered look when I had said my thoughts out loud to my reflection. I didn't want to but somehow I felt I HAD to. At least think of all options. Whats going to be best for the babies.... Oh yea I hadn't even told Arinze about baby number 2. Should I? Or should I wait for this shock of this conversation to pass?
I'll wait.
"You have to be kidding me Suni." He fell back on the counter like the force of news all of a sudden made his knees weak. "Why?"
I walked around the counter, dropped my bag on it and opened the fridge. A yogurt topped with honey would be divine right now. I started fixing my snack. "I went for the appointment yesterday..." I brought out the yogurt...Arinze seemed to have stocked up on the strawberry and banana flavors. My favorite. Aww...tears stung my eyes. I brought out 4. I know he was waiting for me to continue. I felt his eyes. I started searching for the honey. "Wheres the honey?"
"The one beside the dishes..." He pointed. I followed his fore finger and spotted the cabinet. Viola. I got excited looking at the honey. "So yes...the doctors... was a good visit by the way. Things are great..." I opened the top and started pouring.
"OK...What happened Suni?" He was waiting.
Ah, he wont even give me the opportunity to run a couple rounds around this bushel. Kill Joy. The top of my cup was now a beautiful glassy golden brown. Hmm... granola crumbs? Ahhhhh next time. I dug around for a spoon. OK..I change my mind. Maybe I SHOULD tell him about the babies first, then this adoption talk will make more sense. Yes... Mhmn...
I took a deep breath. "Arinze. The babies are good."
I allowed my sentence to marinate as I stuffed my face with frozen cold yogurt and honey. The taste was orgasmic. A beautiful distraction from the now downloading shock in Arinze's beautiful grey eyes.
"Babies?"
I nodded. Mommy says its bad manners to talk with your mouth full. Hear that kiddos? No talking and eating...
"No way......" I swallowed. The concoction went down slow.
"Yes Arinze, I am having twins." His eyebrows shot up, as if it REALLY now dawned on him what i meant. Since he didn't acknowledge my revelation verbally. I decided to continue speaking. "Hence why I am adoption consideration. I don't know if I can handle two Arinze. I barely could overcome the shock of one and now two..... " I shook my head and inhaled another bite of my goo. It was weirdly comforting.
"Wow...I....I don't even know what to say."
"Say it makes sense and I'm not being selfish."
He shook his head slowly like I was asking for Platinum on a bed of Moon-sand. "Then just say Im crazy and I shouldn't do it." I needed him to support me and reprimand me. I needed him to give me the logic to make a decision that would be the best for babies and I. I needed him to really just take this burden off of me. I was tired, confused and just....hungry. They really should package this ish. Damn.
"Come lets sit and talk...." He stood up and guided me. His hand barely touched my elbow as we walked to the living room. It was as if he was scared to touch me.
We sat down and i took another bite of my food. He watched me.... I ingested and quickly put my mouth to work again.
"Why are you so quick to give them up?" The question was so blatant and so... blunt. It stung. I was rushing to give up my own flesh and blood and the confusion and ....disappointment I saw in Arinze's eyes just killed me. Tears fell into my cup.
"I'm not giving them up.... " He didn't didn't say anything he just kept on staring at me. "I'm not sure Arinze. I'm confused. I'm scared. I can't take care of two kids! I cant...TWINS Arinze. TWO! not one... TWO! What am I meant to do? How am I meant to take care of them. Even if I get a great job day care alone will be horrible. God knows what my parents stance on this will be... I'm just in a ... its the best option I could come up with... I need clarity. Please...." I was choking and shaking by now. My words barely came out but they did and I know he heard them all. He held me close and let me dry it out. I would have given all my money to hear his thoughts.
His silence was calming me but making me so nervous. it hurt. "Please say something..."
He rubbed my back for a moment...."A friend kissed me today."
"What?" the question popped out before the statement was fully processed. "Huh??" How random. What?? I was truly confused. I turned to look at him. "I don't get..."
"A friend of mine.. close friend..kissed me." He was still holding me...I was still confused.
"As in..... like a .... guy?"
He laughed..." I beg o..." his pidgin made me smile a little...
"No...?"
"Nah.. a girl. My best friend slash ex.....times a while..." He took his hands away...and sat forward...then rubbed his face in his palms.
"OK...." I was a bit... what is this? "So.... did you kiss her back? Was it a ...mutual thing?"
He looked me "No.. its was not..its not...Me and Q have been over for years... shes moved on.. I've moved on.. she shocked me today with the stunt and yea... I just wanted to tell you."
"Why....?" was I angry? No.. I wasn't.. I was... just confused! No other way to explain this feeling.
"Because. I want you to know. You're my best friend now. You're closer to me than anyone else in the entire world right now. I want to tell you everything even though you still don't know everything about me. Suni you must know by now that I'm falling in love you. And I want to see this go far... twins, triplets whatever. So I figured maybe I should start telling you everything. Good bad and ugly... I don't know"
My mind had taken break after "love you".
********************************************************************
"Ronke..."
"Oh guilty co-co is eating you right."
"Sure whatever. I need this BS to stop OK. I'm tired. Yea we screwed around but that's done. Its NEVER going to happen again. Geddit?"
Her laughter was insulting. "Ohhhhhh your a boss now. You call shots." She broke into giggles again. "See.... when I am done with YOU.. then we will be done"
I made sure my hiss didn't go unnoticed. "I won't repeat myself."
I hung up before I even got to hear her reply. Not that I gave a shit what it was. I was already dialing.
"Hey babe..."
"Hey baby.... was just thinking about you now. How far?"
"Are you home now...?"
"Before nko..."
I laughed..."K coming over. Don't pick if Ronke calls you.."
"What? Why? What's happening?"
"And don't open the door wither if she shows up randomly...."
"What the hell.. Shafa, whats going on?"
"I'm going to tell you in a bit. See you..."
"Shaf-"
"In a moment o!!! Love you..."
I grabbed my keys and headed out. Time to rip off the band aid.
********************************************************************
This SON OF A DONKEY just hung up the phone on me.
What an idiot. I was so irritated now. I wonder if the dunce is going to tell Yale right now. Or maybe I should? Nahh... let me wait for the fool to put his foot in his mouth. Either ways. I have an upper hand here.
This guy wants to fuck with me. Don't mess with me o. It not I even want the stupid guy....... OK that's a lie. But whatever jo.
I paced my room. One of two things are going to happen.Tonight, tomorrow or in the near future. Shafa is going to call me back. Or Yale is going to call me. I need a game plan for both scenarios.
I got to scheming. Human Resources readings can perch for a moment.
********************************************************************
"Suni... don't give the babies up. I'll take care of you and the babies. I'll marry you."
My mouth went lax. He had my hands in hands now. And he then he went on his knees.
"Arghhh I'm not doing this right but whatever. Marry me Suni...."
This was moving too fast. too quick and it was confusing me. I need to stand....so I stood.
"Arinze...."
"Suni... what do you want me to do."
"No." I would regret this later, but this wasn't right. "No...I won't"
He had stood with me but now he just sat back down... "Oh..."
"I wont marry you now Arinze, but if you're still around after I pop these monsters and we are still cool maybe Ill consider it... so rain check."
Arinze loved me. Yes I was still on that... all this marriage gibberish was just secondary. Marriage ni... covenant ko. Abeg leave those things. Its not like that people marry. It shocked me how clearly I was thinking now. Considering two minutes ago my life was a black cloud with no clear direction. Right now it was clear. This beautiful man in front of me just told me he loves me. All is well in the world.
I felt a weird bump in my tummy. My hand flew to my tummy..."Oh"
"What?" Arinze was by my side... "Come and sit down... what happened?"
bump bump! My baby or babies are kicking... or punching tears stung my eyes. "Arinze they aare kicking!! Or something!!!" I grabbed his hand. And placed it over the place where I felt the kick.
Of course nothing happened.
"They just kicked or punched me twice! Wait....." Nothing.. "Ahhh babiess don't fall my hand... do it again now..."
Arinze was laughing. "I guess they are shy now."
"No!" He wanted to remove his hand but I kept it there. Sitting very still.
And then BUMP! We both saw the little bump on the other side of my tummy!
"Ehennn!!!"
We laughed and waited for another one but I think that was all the entertainment the two were going to give us for the day.
********************************************************************
"Ok tell me whats going on now." Yale didn't even hug or kiss me. I took off my shoes and walked to the fridge. Water.
"Sit." I gestured to the chair in the kitchen. I sat down on the other.
"What is this...."
"Sorry babe. I'm sorry."
"I don't like this kind of nonsense. What happened?"
Band aid Shafa. Band aid. I took a gulp of water. Yale's hands reached for me "I slept with Ronke" her hands froze. I didn't bother looking up to see her face. I wasn't ready for that. Band aid Shafa. I kept going "Not recently though...a long time ago. When we broke up. Ronke and I had a fling. She has been after me for years. And I guess at that time things were just so... fucked up. So yea.. we hooked up. But her crazy's too much for me. It didn't take too long for me to realize that I couldn't handle her wahala. So I called it quits... and weird enough soon after we got back together. I have never believed wholly in nemesis until now. She's been on my case for a while now. And It's been hell Yale." I sucked it up and looked up at her. She was crying.... call me a coward but I looked back down. It was easier to talk that way anyways. "Remember when we at the hospital a while back.. and Ronke came by... ? She took a ride with me...?" I didn't look up to see if she remembered. I'm sure she did..."Well.. things got odd. Bottom line is we fooled around and it was just awkward. I stopped it before it got fatal and got out of there."
"You asked me on a date that night" her voice was cracked. I really didn't need to see her to know she was broken. I could hear it already. Band aid Shafa.
"I needed to prove to myself I was right. Ronke is the fucking devil I swear. I promise you Yale, that has been the last time I've let her come near me!" I reached for her...she pulled back so fast. She was holding her her mouth with one hand and the other held herself. She was crying and I was the cause. I made the love of my life cry. AGAIN. "I'm tired of keeping this. It was eating me up and Ronke wasn't making it better. She was threatening to tell you and she was... I couldn't do that shit anymore. You're going to be my wife Yale... I couldn't have that skeleton hanging in my closet." I could hear her sobs now... and it took everything in me not to try and hold her. I felt like a fool. But this is the band aid feeling. It can only get better from here. No more secrets. "Yale I'm sorry. From the deepest part of my heart. I should NEVER have gotten with Ronke. split up or not. I'm hoping and... using all of my credit with God.... that you'll forgive me. I... Please...."
I reached for her again... this time she stood up...."I-I-ll....I'll like to g-g-o go to bed n-n-now. P-P-Please see yours-s-self o-out." She walked to her room and shut the door.
I'll be damned if I was going anywhere.
I put my head down on the table and prayed.
God... you GATS help me.
********************************************************************
My legs felt like ice blocks. I was numb. I don't even know which blow hurt more. Shafa being with Ronke or Ronke being with Shafa. Either ways I was fatally injured. All this time... Ronke had been following Shafa. And all this time Shafa had been accepting? covering.. what ever the hell he was doing with Ronke.My fiance. Love of my life. And with my cousin. MY COUSIN O! My BABY cousin. Chai.
I should've known though. The way Ronke always was around Shafa and she did all of a sudden become closer to me when Shafa came back to town. My God.... I'm sooo stupid. So this is what betrayal feels like. Shit........ Ronke .... you BITCH!!!! YOU EVIL SLUT!!! My God.... How could Shafa even resist her though. Ronke has always been a stunner and her body.... But man... I trusted you Shafa... so much it never even OCCURED to me... but man I should've known....I remember how quickly he had picked up a random girl before he left for Miami... why wouldn't he have quickly found the next main squeeze? But RONKE?? Like my cousin... that's like my sister... that's my blood....Shafa....kai....
I laid on the bed and cried because for now I couldn't do anything else.